Newly Inspired

I have been struggling so much for a while now. The ups and downs of life have made it very difficult to eat correctly, and discouragement from being out of work and out of money off and on for the last year and a half has just demolished my resolve. I have eaten anything that I could get my hands on, since at times there would not have been enough without it, but I life is looking up now. God is blessing me with better job opportunities, and i will soon be able to focus my attention back to going to the gym.

I have been juicing a bit and have gone back down ten of the pounds I had allowed myself to re-gain, but I really want to get back to the gym, or to running, or biking, or some kind of exercise that will make me feel healthy and awesome: an over-comer again.

thanks to another blogger, I found another push of inspiration. You see, I hate being the fat girl at the gym. To be honest, it is the only place in my life that I actually FEEL fat. I typically only am reminded of my extra when I have to shop for new clothes, or it becomes inconvenient in some way. At the gym though, I am the one who feels out of place, or disgusting. Being fat seems to be easier than it used to be, but I have seen many people shrivel their noses in disgust when a bigger woman walks in to the room, and although I have not personally observed that attitude towards me, I am aware that I am in the same category.

I love myself, but not while I am at the gym. I am constantly reminded of my shortcomings. I love what I am trying to become at the gym. I love seeing myself reach goals and pass them. I love the discipline I feel, but I don’t look at the wall lined with mirrors, and feel that automatic pride. I have to remind myself when I look at that mirror lined wall that I am beautiful, and I am doing something important.

This is harder than I thought it would be to write. I am filled with emotion right now. Here I am, starting again. Thank you so much to the kind blogger at flintland.blogspot.com/ that wrote the following:

“Hey, Out of Shape Girl.
Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe.

You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.

You are awesome.

If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible.

You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.

You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.

I bow to you.”

Please check out the blog to honor this kind individual. I hope this changes lives. I know it encouraged me.

About truejoy1986

A Missionary, writer, and adventurer, Carey Joy believes in living in the moment, music, creativity, relationships, and above all, the importance of seeking Christ and being led by the Spirit. She teaches Christian Leadership and Women's courses through Heart of God Church, and serves on the Board of Directors. She also is involved development efforts with this growing ministry throughout the world.

Posted on August 5, 2015, in determination, exercise, fitness, inspiration, running and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. There’s nothing about feeling bad at the gym..why dont you try exercising at home..this would help u alot and also wont hurt your image.
    The same happened to me some time ago…i hated it. SO, i gave up gym and started doing exercise at home It helped me alott. 🙂

  2. Don’t be discouraged! I totally hear what you’re saying. Motivating to exercise is always tough. I think when you finally find a sport you like, you won’t feel that way! Good luck!

  3. Cindy @ In A Stitch

    Well said!

  4. There are other aspects of my life that gives me a similar feeling of inadequacy and although this doesn’t directly apply, it is nevertheless so inspirational <3. Definitely gonna check out this other blog.
    Keep up & don't give up!

  5. Wow, how could you NOT be inspired after that? And as for feeling uncomfortable in the gym, or clothing store… Everybody, regardless of shape, size, colour or age, does! Anyone who doesn’t probably isn’t human😃 Best of luck in your journey!

  6. Gyms make me feel self-conscious as well, even though I’m in fairly good shape. I wonder if people actually are more judgmental there, or if the focus on fitness makes us think they are? At any rate, it seems like there are some positive changes heading your way. Moving to a complex with a small workout room should help, as will your new job opportunities. It’s infinitely easier to be health-conscious when you don’t have to stress about the basic necessities of life.

    And while you didn’t ask for advice, I also think it’d be good for you to find a sport you like. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme, just an activity that lets you get some exercise and build good relationships. The relationships are the most important part, because they’ll improve your well-being far more than being fit. For me, internal kung fu fits the bill.

    Keep up the good work! And remember that low points are part of the natural cycle; you don’t need to beat yourself up over them.

  7. I go to GoodLife Fitness and don’t feel judged there at all. The one I go to is women only and I prefer that. Find a gym you feel comfortable in. I actually posted that little encouragement essay on my Facebook page. I just love it!

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