I have been struggling so much for a while now. The ups and downs of life have made it very difficult to eat correctly, and discouragement from being out of work and out of money off and on for the last year and a half has just demolished my resolve. I have eaten anything that I could get my hands on, since at times there would not have been enough without it, but I life is looking up now. God is blessing me with better job opportunities, and i will soon be able to focus my attention back to going to the gym.
I have been juicing a bit and have gone back down ten of the pounds I had allowed myself to re-gain, but I really want to get back to the gym, or to running, or biking, or some kind of exercise that will make me feel healthy and awesome: an over-comer again.
thanks to another blogger, I found another push of inspiration. You see, I hate being the fat girl at the gym. To be honest, it is the only place in my life that I actually FEEL fat. I typically only am reminded of my extra when I have to shop for new clothes, or it becomes inconvenient in some way. At the gym though, I am the one who feels out of place, or disgusting. Being fat seems to be easier than it used to be, but I have seen many people shrivel their noses in disgust when a bigger woman walks in to the room, and although I have not personally observed that attitude towards me, I am aware that I am in the same category.
I love myself, but not while I am at the gym. I am constantly reminded of my shortcomings. I love what I am trying to become at the gym. I love seeing myself reach goals and pass them. I love the discipline I feel, but I don’t look at the wall lined with mirrors, and feel that automatic pride. I have to remind myself when I look at that mirror lined wall that I am beautiful, and I am doing something important.
This is harder than I thought it would be to write. I am filled with emotion right now. Here I am, starting again. Thank you so much to the kind blogger at flintland.blogspot.com/ that wrote the following:
“Hey, Out of Shape Girl.
Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe.
You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.
You are awesome.
If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.
You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible.
You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.
You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.
I bow to you.”
Please check out the blog to honor this kind individual. I hope this changes lives. I know it encouraged me.
This week, I weighed myself. This month I have been doing terribly, and making bad food decisions. I gained back 2 lbs. I am resolved to change direction and again gain back my losing of pounds. I also hope to motivate myself and increase stamina and speed in my runs.
I found this article in Women’s health magazine, and am going to try it out. They suggest:
Week 1: Run 2 min, walk 3 min; repeat 6 times
Week 2: Run 3 min, walk 3 min; repeat 5 times
Week 3: Run 5 min, walk 2 min; repeat 4 times
Week 4: Run 7 min, walk 3 min; repeat 3 times
Week 5: Run 8 min, walk 2 min; repeat 3 times
Week 6: Run 9 min, walk 1 min; repeat 3 times
Week 7: Run 30 minutes
I am excited to start this new regimen. I will get up tomorrow at 5 and start my day with exercise and a healthy breakfast. Cant wait! Going to bed early tonight though…
Quote for today: “Failure isn’t falling down. It is remaining where you have fallen.”